Mars v. Venus to the Death

A high school buddy posted this article:

33 Things Men Want Women to Stop Doing

I’ve about had my fill of all this men v women shit. It may have something to do with finding out the MRM exists, or it may be that EVERY couple is going to do something to piss each other off. Or consider the simple fact that lists like these are not even remotely gender-specific. Quit pigeonholing people into behavioral categories. Our society is well on its way to growing out of gender standards, and stuff like this just holds back progress.

So I’m going to address this list because I was mentally yelling at it the whole way through.

1. Taking their dreams too literally

Supposedly, some women wake up from a dream about their sig o cheating or what have you and hold it against said person. WHO IS DOING THIS. WHO. Not once in the history of ever have I come across this, and I have dated and been friends with some pretty outlandish folks. I keep hearing about this phenomenon, so it MUST be a big thing, right? Maybe if you’re with someone who gets angry with you about the thoughts in their own head, you should kick that emotionally abusive individual to the curb and find a person who will treat you well.

2. Rehashing [an argument]

If this is gender-specific, I’ll eat every hat in existence.

3. Believing that men have no discretion when it comes to sex

What really set me off about this one is the “No I’m not gay, I just don’t find you attractive” comment. Ladies, raise your hands if you’ve ever been called a “dyke” or equivalent when you turn a man down for anything. All of you? That’s what I thought.

4. Treating guys like children

“Finally decide to open up around you”? Yeh, I leave the room if I have to cry because I don’t like doing it around anyone. Stop thinking your emotions are precious little snowflakes you have to shield from the world, because guess what: we don’t all like being vulnerable either. Vulnerability opens you up to attack. So how about YOU stop assuming we’re all these little softies who will cry at the drop of a hat and you’re Bigmanly McManmeat who can never show he feels anything? Fuck society’s gender standards–if you’re so big, strong, and fearless, unlike us little wimminfolk, why don’t you say shove it and express (or don’t express) whatever the fuck you want without worrying about it?

Or don’t misinterpret the “Aww” to mean something bad. There’s also that.

5. Putting guys in lose-lose situations

Because you neeeeeever do that to us. “Hey, socially awkward girlfriend who doesn’t want to hurt my feelings, come meet my entire extended family”. Uhhhhhhhhh…………

6. Thinking that they’re queens

Don’t use the “all the feminazis would be mean to me if I did this” argument. That’s like a white person saying “well, if we started our own exclusive groups…”. It just makes you sound like the same bitter jackwad as the women who post about wanting to be treated like a queen. Normal people who want healthy relationships wish for equal treatment. If a woman posts a quote about how she should be treated like a queen, thank her for showing her true colors BEFORE you ended up stuck with her.

7. Passive aggression

Again, sooooo not gender-specific. One of my exes was so passive aggressive, he’d blow up at me weeks later in the middle of a conversation about something completely different. It catches us off guard the same as you, and we don’t like it either. And it’s not our fault you decided to date the girl from the paragraph above.

Besides, how would you classify this list, hmmm?

8. Being the worst decision-makers

“Let me indecisively ask what you want to do, and if you eliminate any of my suggestions, you’re indecisive.”

…wut

9. Expecting guys to pick up on subtle hints

ALL OF YOUR STUPID HOW TO PICK UP CHICKS MANUALS ARE BASED ON WOMEN PICKING UP SUBTLE HINTS. HOLY MOTHER OF FUCKBALLS.

10. Assuming that guys are mad when they’re just zoning out

Two words: Resting. Bitchface. It affects both genders. I think my guy and I are about even where this issue is concerned.

11. Taking from their man’s plate of food

I am calling so much bullshit on this one. I have had this argument with everyone I’ve dated EXCEPT the women. If I order food, it means I’m hungry. I’m not going to daintily pick at it and let you finish it, I am going to destroy it and let you pick the scraps out of my hair if you want it so badly. If I grab food from the kitchen where there is more food exactly like it, please grab your own damn plate. I’m sick of being made to feel selfish because I won’t share the food I secured for myself. And if you use my weight as a guilt tactic, both you and the food now adhering a plate to your face are going out a fucking window.

12. How they treat each other

Astonishingly enough, we don’t like getting treated like shit by our own gender either. That must absolutely blow your mind.

13. Sexually harassing guys

No one should be sexually harassing anyone. I’m pretty sure we can all agree on that one.

14. Burying themselves in their phones

Funny story: I was stuck behind this asshole doing 5 under and swerving like crazy. Go to pass him, and what’s he doing? Texting. He’s locked completely on his phone, not even glancing up periodically. Frankly, I think we all need to stop burying ourselves in our phones and start appreciating the world around us more. Or, like, you know, enough to not commit vehicular homicide.

15. Talking during a movie

I’m just going to put a “not gender-specific” sign on the wall so I can start beating my head against it, seeing as I’m metaphorically doing it anyway.

16. Painting their eyebrows

But drag queens do it, and it looks Devine.

17. Expecting every gay guy to be her best friend

I blame this one on Hollywood. Drop the trope, and people will stop expecting it. Also, stop with the gay guy catty bitch trope. Catty bitches with a penis are just as obnoxious as the ones without.

18. Treating sex like a gift they give to men

I counter with: Treating sex as a thing we owe to men. Especially if we don’t even like men like that or are currently not seeking a man.

19. Reckless feet behavior in the car

No, YOU take your fucking feet off MY dashboard. Also, the center console is not an armrest.

20. Trying to play-fight with another guy

Quit tickling us, and we’ll talk. When I say “I’ll flail” and you get injured by my flailing, it is not my fault.

21. Getting mad because guys didn’t read between your lines

*hits head on not gender-specific sign*

22. Not knowing how to take compliments

See above. YOUR HAIR LOOKS FINE. I AM NOT “JUST SAYING THAT”

23. Fake tanning

Funny, I thought all of the Jersey Shore cast was orange, not just the women. Are we sure this isn’t a new race? We may have accidentally opened a portal into Roald Dahl’s world  and let some freakishly tall Oompa-Loompas through. You can’t prove that we didn’t.

24. Waking their man up

Well then don’t sleep for fourteen hours at a time. Do you know how hard it is to stay perfectly still and quiet for four hours after we wake up so we don’t wake you? Maybe we have shit to do and can’t exactly avoid making noise.

25. Being a hypocrite

I may have gotten some blood on that poster. There’s two of everything.

26. That weird pout with their mouths

Definitely some blood.

27. Not being able to complete a thought

Wasn’t “I can’t even” a meme? Your point is invalid.

28. Hogging the bed and then denying it

You have seen wayyy too many hack comics. Tell that to my boyfriend when he crashes out before me and half of his limbs are across all of the bed. And don’t get me started on the elbows he throws. Those motherfuckers are SHARP. We have concluded that we’re both blanket thieves, however. We both do the burrito thing and end up fighting in our sleep over who gets to be the burrito.

29. Believing that their periods are free passes to be an ass

How about you stop accusing us of being on our periods when we’re being asses or you think we’re being unreasonable? Both genders are perfectly capable of being asses with or without a week-long stint of crazy hormonal fluctuations, horrible pain, and borderline anemia. No one should feel entitled to act that way, but sometimes we really just plain can’t help it. Just like you! *gasp*

30. Stop with the silly games

You first. I can’t even. Is this dude for real?

31. Believing that guys can’t get hurt

This requires a level of ignorance that makes my head hurt to think about. But I’m going to have to star this one as the one valid point in all this nonsense.

It is a serious epidemic in our culture that violence against men goes underreported and is generally overlooked or even made comical. Abuse is nothing that anyone should have to withstand, and though I believe we still have a long way to go toward protecting women from it, no one can deny that we have an even longer way to go toward protecting men. This is a huge problem I have with the Men’s Rights Movement as it exists. Rather than focusing on building men’s domestic violence shelters, starting male-oriented DV help lines, or doing anything at all to help the cause they claim to back, they wish to destroy feminism and increase the understanding gap between the genders. Nothing is going to be solved by fighting amongst each other–men and women need to work together to solve their issues. Only when we can view each other as social equals and work together to find solutions to problems we share will we be able to change things for the better.

/serious rant

32. Not knowing what they’re asking for

I’m not sure I even know what this complaint is supposed to mean

33. Not believing in themselves

Yeah, we all (you guys included) need to knock that shit off. If we don’t believe in ourselves, we can’t expect anyone else to believe in us. If no one believes in us, we might cease to exist! Quick, clap your hands!! I BELIEVE IN FAIRIES!!!

Ahem.

So, yeah. Maybe instead of making dumbass lists that reflect our dumbass views of each other, we can recognize that we’re all capable of being dumbasses from time to time. Think about that instead of 33 reasons to hate each other.

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